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Seeing Blue


photo by joanne roston

I watched the bluejay from ten feet away eating off of the feeder. The blues on his back almost made my heart explode. The perfection, the intricacy, the vividness, the fact that this was "made" by nature, blew me the fuck away. And I am obviously not ashamed to say it; I was moved.

Try it. Go somewhere, anywhere that you can have some peace, outside is good, locked in a bathroom would totally work, just go. Breathe deeply. Stare off into space, when you think enough time has passed start to re-pay attention to the world. Pay attention to something, again doesn't really matter what but pick something that intrigues you and give it your undivided attention.

It doesn't matter of you sit quietly for a second or an hour, just sit quietly. With quietly as your intention. Some days you can only do it for a second and some years you can do it for months. Keep doing it when you think of it or want to, or remember, god knows I have to work to remember most things nowadays. But do it, for yourself, in your way, in your time.

What has been/is a lesson for me is, that I am in control of where I can put my attention, I have one exception to that rule though, except when I am depressed. Being depressed is not having the mind. The one I would need to focus, it's as if that part of me is just gone, a long seizure of my being. Held underwater or hostage somewhere completely out of reach. I have learned that it comes back. And eventually I can decide where to look and what to see.

I would love to know what you see.